Between the Dark and Light Side

It's his fault I'm like this. Like this. Like him. Empty-broken. He tore me away from life, from Trever, from my other half. And yet I still cling to him.

I know he didn't mean it. No. I know he didn't want to do it. I don't understand why he did it. Following orders is hardly an excuse. He's far too... I don't know, I thought he was to smart to do that.

Apparently not.

I can't sleep. I can hear the echoes in my mind, millions screaming in agony, hatred, despair. I don't know how to block them out. I don't tell him. It would just make him worry more. And all he does is worry.

And he feels guilty about what happened to me. I know that. How could he not though? It's his fault. He had a choice. He didn't have to do what Revan told him to do. Orders or not. It doesn't matter.

Now I'm empty. Dangerous. I can't leave the house except to go to the compound least someone try to take me and turn me into a weapon. It's driving me crazy.

But I can't tell him. He cares too much for me. I don't want to hurt him.

Even if it is his fault.




Patient: Kale Delvar
Fandom: Star Wars, OC
Words: 212

It's been weird lately. I don't know. I ran into Zhin-ja the other day and he started... monologing for lack of a better term. I got bored quickly and hit him in the nuts. He shut up rather fast after that.

Revan, Akay and Axis are apparently going to go after the twit. He hurt Revan's alt and that's a Bad Thing.

Found some interesting stuff about the family. The Delvar Clan as it were. We're practically a clan. Perhaps a new Mandalorian clan? I shouldn't say that where Revan or Axis can hear that. They'll throttle me. Anyway, family.

One of the things about the Delvars is that we have a high rate of Force Sensitivity. Red head and Force Sensitive is what they used to say about us. It turns out that a Sith Lord was trying to breed a family of Force users. Where there was more than less Force Users in every generation. Then well, I guess he'd have his own army of Force Users. There's a Genetic marker in us that, we think can be turned on to make us do whatever the Sith Lord wants. Minions.

Fun, eh?

Finally, to make things even MORE interesting, it turns out we're descended from Revan.

Sometimes it feels like someone out there is giggling and saying "Wouldn't THIS be interesting to do?"

The twins slipped into the club like shadows, dancers and patrons moving away from them without even realizing it. Kale smirked at Trever as he gestured his head towards the bar where a pair of girls sat staring out at the dancers, obviously longing to be out among them. Trever smiled widely just as he began to saunter to the girls, Kale following him just a step behind. The girls saw them, dressed practically alike in tight jeans (Trever in black, Kale in blue, shirts and leather jackets, and stared not believing that they were being approached.

"Hi," Trever said taking the girl on the left, a short blond with a bob haired cut and just slightly over weight. Not enough to make her fat, but enough to take her out of the skinny anorexic category. Well rounded perhaps. Nice and curvy.

"Um, hi," the blond said, barely able to speak. The idea of two devastatingly handsome men leaning next to her and her friend, a brunette with long hair and pale blue eyes that squinted. Perhaps she wore glasses and wasn't tonight to try and look more attractive.

"I'm Kale and that's my brother, Trever."

The two girls looked at the twins, smiling shyly. "Hi. I'm Casey," The brunette said.

"And I'm Shelly."

"Lovely to meet you," Kale purred smoothly. "Can we buy you two some drinks?"

Casey blushed and then nodded. "Sure," she said softly. Trever waved over the bartender and ordered the four of them drinks while Kale engaged the girls in small talk. When the drinks came Trever passed them out, talking to Shelly while Kale wrapped Casey around his finger. The two girls were so desperate for attention, especially from good looking boys that they let the twins spin them out onto the dance floor. They didn't even notice when the twins danced with themselves and not the girls for a bit. After all the music was loud and everyone danced with everyone else. And the twins did pay attention to them, holding them tight, grinding into them, whispering soft promises into their ears about a night they'll never forget.

As the night waned they found themselves being pulled out of the club, laughing from perhaps too much drink. The twins also laughed, but they didn't seem as drunk as the girls. If they had been sober they might have noticed the look on their faces. A hungry look. They pulled the girls into a car. A nice fancy car, convertible, white, slick, shiny and expensive. Top down, for it was warm night, not a cloud to be seen in the smoggy LA sky, and they drove up to Mulholland to look over the valley.

Trever leaned over to nuzzle and touch Casey while Kale did the same to Shelly. The girls sighed softly up until fangs bit into their necks.

Bodies tossed into the bushes, Trever leaned over and playfully nipped at Kale's neck as he started up the car. Kale laughed, putting the car into reverse and heading back down to the city. Dawn was coming and they didn't want to be caught outside.

Trever was Kale and Kale was Trever and this was a truth that the both of them knew. It was a Truth even, with a capital T much like the Force existed they knew that they were One and not Two and that being Two was wrong. Tobias tried to comfort Kale telling him that he could be his own One and not a One with Trever. That he could be his own person. But Tobias didn't understand. He hadn't known what it was like being One and he didn't know how it felt to be Two instead of One. He never had another half. And he didn't know how to explain that there was only One soul between the Two of them. And souls were not meant to be broken in two. They really were one person. Perhaps they weren't meant to be twins at all, but one child who got broken in two. They didn't know. But they didn't talk about it even though they knew the other thought the same thing. For they were a balance. One light and one dark. Trever knew that he could never send Kale completely to the Dark Side just as Kale knew he could never bring Trever completely to the Light Side. But it didn't bother them at all, because that was how it was supposed to be.

Perhaps, yes, it was unnatural, as Revan had constantly told them. But it wasn't their fault, it was just the way they were and they couldn't help it at all. They wished they could tell someone find the words to explain it. But they could only say it with Ones and Twos. They were afraid to mention souls. They didn't know how the others would react. So they just pretended that they were Two as they tried to be One. But couldn't. Kale had been cut off so completely that they could never be whole again. They were just two halves of the one soul staring at each other across the gulf never to be able to connect again.

Forever broken.

Kale couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to sleep since he had been knocked out of that stupor in the ruins of the Temple. He didn't really tell Tobias that. He would go to bed with Tobias and wait until the older man fell asleep before creeping out of the bed and prowling around the house. He couldn't leave the house because of Nihlius out there somewhere. Tobias would freak if he did, having turned mother hen on him.

Usually he went to the workshop to fiddle around with the droid. Or stare at the parts. Generally he tried to stay awake, because the few times he had drifted off he dreamed of Tobias and Nhilius (from Tobias' memories of him) and other uncomfortable things.

He didn't want to talk to Tobias about it, he didn't want him to worry. So, he just prowled wishing that Trever was back so he could talk to him about it. Or anyone, but Tobias. As much as he cared about Tobias he really was a mother hen sometimes.

In an utterly bizzare moment of thought, he wondered if he should go and try to talk to Revan. Unfortunately that seemed like the best idea he could come up with.

Damn.

"You realize," Kale said as he laid on Trever's bed, "If dad's alive, he's going to ground us to the next millennium."

Trever snorted, looking up from the book he was reading. Sitting on a chair he had his bare feet up on the bed. "We're twenty one. A bit old for grounding."

The twins sat near each other, once again working on that droid. While their communication before had been flawless, now it was disjointed. Trever would hold his hand out for something and Kale wouldn't realize it. And they had to speak to each other to get their brother's attention. At one point, Trever looked over to see what Kale was doing and frowned.

"You're doing it wrong," he said.

Kale looked up at him, "No I'm not."

"Yes you are, here, look," he said leaning over with a tool in his hand.

"What are you doing! Hey!" Kale slapped his hand away. "I've been working on that all afternoon!"

"And you're doing it wrong."

"I am not!"

"Yes you are!"

They scrabbled a bit before the droid got kicked away, spinning and smashing into the wall. The two of them looked at the other before saying, "Now look at what you did!"

"Me? You did it!"

"I wouldn't have done it if you hadn't stuck your nose in what I was doing!"

"You were doing it wrong! I'm not the one whose going to screw up the damn droid because you don't know what you're doing."

"I know perfectly well what I'm doing. You're the Kiffing idiot who doesn't know the right end of a spanner to use."

"Me? I'm not the one who shorted out the droid's power converter last week!"

"At least I didn't put the leg joint on backwards!"

The two of them glowered at each other. Trever threw down the screwdriver he held. "You know what? Fuck this. Fuck you and fuck Tobias and his I'm so wonderful and helpful. I'm sick of it. I'm leaving."

"Fine. Leave! See if I care. Why don't you go back to your damn Sith masters and slaughter innocent people for fun."

"At least my masters never took the ability away from me," Trever said coldly.

Kale threw a part at his brother's head. "Get OUT! Get OUT! Go ahead runaway again!"

Trever, flushed as red as his hair and knocked the part away with the Force and stomped out of the room, leaving Kale alone to stare at the mess they had made.

"Fucking idiot."

Moodily, Kale sat on the wing of the ship, resting his chin on his knees, arms wrapped around his legs. And, he was alone.

Trever had gone off somewhere. It was the first time since his twin had reappeared that they had been separated. Trever hadn't said where he was going and Kale couldn't get it out of him through their bond.

For the first time in a long time, he felt alone. Confused.

He tugged absently at his gloves, making sure they fit snuggly.

Perhaps this entire Jedi thing was a bad idea. He didn't seem to be cut out for it... and really... someone like him... the way he so easily picked up personalities from people he touched... how easily they swam to the surface. Sometimes he didn't know who he was. Who he wasn't.

Carcer, Revan, Axis, Tobias, Trever, his mom, dad and older brother, that trader he met once, Luke Skywalker... all sorts swimming around in his head.

He had managed to keep them under control most of the time, but lately... lately... it had been so hard.

Tugging his gloves again, he stared out into nothing.

The two of them together, Kale and Trever, once they got past the original anger at each other, were like one person. They didn't talk to each other, but clearly communication happened, with a gesture, an expression or sometimes nothing at all. The two of them sat under the Ebon Hawk, fiddling with what appeared to be the shell of a droid.

Both of them were dressed alike and with heads bent over different pieces of machinery, it was nearly impossible to tell them apart. They didn't even talk as they worked. Occasionally one would hold out a hand and the other would put a tool in it, or give a spare part, or help hold something. Their movement was fluid, never a hesitation or a wondering what the other wanted. Never a touching to get the other's attention.

Even though they were working on two separate things, they were able to know what the other wanted.

Right, so that was never good.

Kale examined the hole in the wall that he created when ... well.. .firing off his heavy blaster. He wasn't really sure how he was going to explain this to Revan or Tobias. After all, technically, he didn't have a good reason for doing it except that he let his temper get the better of him.

It didn't look good. At least it was a clean shot. Right?

He was doomed.