Between the Dark and Light Side

I didn't say good-bye.

I suppose I should have. But I know if I did, I wouldn't have been able to leave. Seeing his face. Seeing my face, the hurt in it. I could never leave.

I'm fairly sure I'll be okay.

And if not... well. I'm not.

But I've been a bit too many people lately, and I need to sort myself out. Or maybe just try and mesh personalities better. See who I turn out to be.

For better or for worse.

"You realize," Kale said as he laid on Trever's bed, "If dad's alive, he's going to ground us to the next millennium."

Trever snorted, looking up from the book he was reading. Sitting on a chair he had his bare feet up on the bed. "We're twenty one. A bit old for grounding."

"You actually think that'll stop him?" Kale looked at his twin eyebrows raised.

"Point." Trever admitted. "How's Tobias?"

"He's okay. Resting."

"Why aren't you with him?"

He shrugged, "Wanted to be alone for a bit." Trever didn't ask, 'then why are you here?' because he knew that the two of them together still constituted being alone. Even with their bond shattered and Kale a hole in the Force the two of them still had trouble with thinking of themselves as individuals. They were getting better at it, but it would take a long time before they thought of themselves as two instead of one. "Do you think he's alive?"

"I don't know," Trever said quietly. "He'll be so... disappointed."

"Yeah. We really fucked up."

"Big time."

"It'd be nice, I think,, if he was alive."

"Mom'll be pissed for making her worry."

"I wonder what she's up to. Her and Naldin."

Trever looked at Kale curiously, "You mean you haven't talked to her recently?"

"No. Not since I left."

"She's gonna ground us too."

"... Yeah. We're fucked."

"Not going to be allowed out of the house until we're fifty."

"If we're lucky."

In one of those weird knowing what the other is thinking moments -even though they weren't Force Bonded as strongly any more, if anything they were just barely aware of the others presence- they decided to try to be different from the other. It was perhaps mutual consent without conferring with the other.

Both of them found it strange and something they had to consciously make the effort to do. Trever took the initiative by getting his hair cut so it didn't flop all over the place and shaved his goatee. Kale did not. Though he almost did. It felt strange looking at Trever; they were no longer mirror images.

Kale put away his lightsaber, he didn't even wear it. That had been hard. But he did it because as he was, he couldn't be a Jedi any more. It was symbolic, really. He knew he could still use it. He didn't need the Force to use a weapon, but it didn't feel right for him to do so. Jedi used them, not... whatever he was. Practically dead to the Force. Trever had been upset when he did so, but didn't say anything about it.

Trever moved into another bedroom. It was sort of saying that the two of them had "broke up" and weren't going to be sleeping with each other anymore. Kale stayed with Tobias, still afraid to be alone. Trever became moody at this, but didn't try to intervene or take Kale away.

They still wore similar clothes, but not identical, and different outfits. They agreed that it would be silly to ditch the clothes they had when they were still good and fit.

Trever wondered if he could continue his training. Kale wondered what he should do with himself. Breaking and entering really wasn't a good career path.

On a whim -which had been strange - Kale got his ear pierced. Trever had stared at that one and then laughed. Kale promptly tackled him and for a moment it had been like old times.

Stopping only after Trever had given Kale a black eye, they rested against each other, back to back.

"Actually," Trever said, "It doesn't look that bad at all."

"It hurt," Kale said, gingerly touching his eye.

"Which is why I'm not getting one."

The twins lay together in a tangled mass of limbs, one resting his head on the chest of the other as they slept, the blanket twisted between them like a vine. With their shirt and pants off, it was easier to tell which twin was which. Though you wouldn't think it would be. But while they were dressed they looked virtually identical, without clothes, the scars from farm life and other things created enough differences to tell them apart.

One seemed to have more animal scars than mechanical ones. The other in reverse. On the shoulder of one, a blaster scar. Across the chest of the other, a lightsaber scar. That one was recent. Barely healed.

Perhaps Trever (for it was Trever with that scar) had gotten into trouble with his Masters over something.

Perhaps his Masters would come looking for him.

Kale bounced up the steps from the basement intending to head to the kitchen to grab lunch like foods for him and Tobias. They had been working on Jedi like things all morning, mostly it was Kale getting his ass handed to him. But surprisingly he did a lot better than usual. He felt good and energetic. Happier than usual.

Obviously this meant sugary snacks.

Drunk, Kale fell onto his couch, pulling up the blanket and fell into a deep sleep.


He stood on a vast plane of glass. Above him were the stars and worlds of the galaxy. From the Inner Rim to the Outer Rim. All visible, hanging like ornaments. Looking down he saw his face reflected in the glass and darkness below it.

He knelt down to touch his reflection, as if he had never seen it before. As he touched it, the glass rippled and his hand went through it. A hand grabbed his and he pulled up.

He pulled up Trever. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, before Trever broke out into a smile.

"Kale! Where have you been?"

Kale smiled back, "Oh, here and there. You?"

"The same. You look good."

"Thanks. You do too." He paused. "I miss you."

Trever stepped up to him, closing the distance between them, so that they were just a breath away from each other. He reached up and brushed his hand across Kale's face. "Me too. When are you coming?"

"I don't know, I've gotten side tracked. I met a real Jedi!"

"No you didn't." And he shoved Kale.

"Yes, I did," Kale said, shoving back. They wrestled for a moment, Trever getting Kale in a headlock. He held him there for second and then let him go.

They grinned at each other and this time Kale touched his brother's face. Trever leaned into it. "Find me. I need you," he said before kissing Kale lightly and vanishing.



Turning over, Kale fell into a deeper sleep.

Right, so, I might as well introduce myself. Though I don't really know why, this is just my own journal and everything. Still, you never know.

My name is Kale Delvar. I was born on the rather backwards planet of Garqi on the outer rim. I have a twin brother named Trevar who's about a half an hour older than me and an older brother named Nalden. My father is dead and my mother is not. I'm twenty one years old.

Currently I'm serving aboard a stolen Imperial Guardian class light cruiser as pilot. The ship is called "the Empire's Bounty". I think the Captain was having a go at humor when he named it. Our captain is Brosk. Engineering is taken care by Keada and security is by a fourth degree droid who is a bit trigger happy called BX-79. Currently we have two passengers, Joseph and Zhin-ja. They claim to be Jedi.

Most of the time we do smuggling runs with occasional missions for the Rebels. It's for the rebels that we've picked up Joseph and Zhin-ja. They think because of that they can tell us what to do, but I'm not taking orders from some kid who's still got pimples all over his face. Brosk can tell me what to do.

I think that's it for now.